


come see Pastel*Palettes live!

by MelonBunny



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Soulmates, chisato struggles, good luck if youre not, not much angst, you probably need to be familiar with pasupare band story 1 to read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:02:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27337612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelonBunny/pseuds/MelonBunny
Summary: A soulmate AU. The words on your arm are the first thing your soulmate says as you fall in love with them.Alternatively, Chisato struggles to understand what love feels like, until she can't turn away from it.
Relationships: Maruyama Aya/Shirasagi Chisato
Comments: 9
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i have been working on this for far too long. thank you to rose for supporting me, and to you for reading!

\---

10 years earlier

\---

Chisato watched the staff working on the movie set absentmindedly. She was tired; she’d had a long day of filming her next movie role, and after all was said and done she was left sitting on the edge of the set waiting for her mother to come pick her up. She was, of course, the star child role- she played the daughter of two lovestruck parents, in another heartwarming tale of the power of soulmarks.

Everyone had a soulmark. It was etched into your skin the moment you were born- the words spoken by your soulmate the moment you fall in love with them. Awfully romantic, sure, but Chisato didn’t really think about stuff like that beyond the movie scenes she starred in.

Besides, her own soulmark was oddly specific, and impossible to write into a script, so her arm often ended up covered in copious amounts of concealer, or artfully covered by costume designers. She picked at her sleeve, watching the set staff run around and set up the next shot.

Her train of thought was quickly broken by a cheery, familiar voice, running up to the set. “Chii-chaaaaaaan!!!”

“Kao-chan!” She said happily as her friend came into view. “Why are you here?”

Kaoru paused to catch her breath. “We… came to pick you up..! Mama says we can have a sleepover tonight!”

Chisato’s eyes sparkled. “ _Really?_ ” Kaoru nodded emphatically, gesturing at the door. She tugged on Chisato’s arm impatiently as the girl scrambled to get up.

“Let’s go already!” 

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” Chisato giggled. They ran out of the set together, arm in arm. Chisato loved visiting Kaoru’s house, and the two spent the evening playing all of their favourite games, including more than a few intense mario kart matches.

Eventually, they both crawled into bed. Chisato stared up at the ceiling for a long while, caught up in the quiet stillness of the night. It was almost pitch-dark, leaving Chisato with only her thoughts.

“...Hey, Kao-chan?” Chisato whispered into the dark. Kaoru mumbled next to her quietly. “Do you think you’ll ever find your soulmate?”

Kaoru shifted. “Of course, Chii-chan! I’ll be someone’s dashing prince, just like the storybooks, you’ll see!”

Chisato giggled. “You’re so silly, Kao-chan. What if your soulmate never comes for you?”

“Then I will simply find them myself! And even if I never ever find them, I…” She yawned loudly. “I have you, Chii-chan!”

Chisato smiled. “Yeah! Well, goodnight, Kao-chan.”

After that, they both settled into sleep quickly, holding each other’s hand.

\--

Chisato Shirasagi woke up much too early that morning. She downed as much coffee as was probably legally allowed and still felt tired, much to her dismay. She got ready quickly. Her agent had been rather vague as to why she was being called in, but she knew making a good impression came first. The idol agency was so different from the acting sets she was used to being on, and she held her reputation in high regard.

She made her way to the agency quickly, and arrived fashionably late, after taking an important phone call on the way in (another big role, one she still needed to discuss with her agent). She was escorted to the nearest conference room.

She felt three pairs of eyes on her the moment she stepped in, and so held her smile rigidly as she sat down. 

“Pleased to make your acquaintance.” She said, sitting demurely in the chair furthest from everyone else. Her eyes wandered over each of the girls in front of her. She recognised one, a european girl who did a lot of modelling work - she was very tall and strong-looking, but had a rather gentle air. None of the other girls particularly caught her eye. 

The teal-haired girl leaned over to her, pressing her hands against the table excitedly. Her sleeves were short, and her soulmark was clearly visible. It didn’t strike Chisato as anything significant.

“Wow, another member!” She said, eyes shining. Chisato nodded.

  
“Yes, I’m here for the first meeting. I suppose you may recognise me?” She said, trying to sound casual. The girl squinted at her for a second, and then shook her head.

“Nope, never. I’d definitely know, I’m good with faces.” She gestured at the other girls. “Have you?”

The pink haired girl jumped at being directly addressed. “N-No, I don’t think so! Uh... I think I’ve seen her around school?” 

“Oh, yes! Me too!” The model replied. 

Chisato winced. She supposed it wasn’t worth telling them.

“Anyway! My name’s Hina. Hikawa Hina.” She held out her hand, and Chisato shook it dutifully. “What’s yours?”

“Ah, it’s Chisato Shirasagi.” She replied evenly, smiling.

The other two girls introduced themselves, and the four of them sat in veritable quiet, save for Hina’s rambling. Chisato didn’t think much of any of them, to be quite honest, but she kept civil. She fiddled with her sleeve again. She wondered idly of the others’ marks. Aya kept her hands nervously in her lap, and Eve simply sat too far away.

Her mind wandered. Though vague, her agent mentioned that the idol agency had selected her to join their newest project - she presumed an idol band, based on the people around her. She thought of all the tales she’d heard in the entertainment industry, of how soulmates are often found within music groups. 

Rather dismissively, she glanced at the other girls, imagining any of them to be her soulmate. They were all so… starry-eyed, especially compared to herself. She couldn’t imagine a world where any of them connected to her. At least they could try and connect to one another, she supposed.

A staff member stepped into the room, cutting her thoughts short. She looked over them all, then squinted at her clipboard with a frown. Perhaps someone was missing?

The woman cleared her throat. “Thank you all for coming. Unfortunately, one of the candidates has not arrived, so we must move on without them.” She tapped her clipboard. “I trust you all know about the project? We’ve decided to form a new idol band under our company.”

Each of them nodded quietly.

“Good. I have your role assignments here. The band is to be called Pastel*Palettes, and each of you will have a different instrument role; of course, you won’t have to play, but… Shirasagi-san?”

Chisato had gone very pale. She fought to hold her composure. “Sorry, could you repeat the name of the band for me?”

“...Pastel Palettes?” The staff member raised an eyebrow. “If there’s a problem, Shirasagi-san, I can bring it up with the other staff.”

“N-No, no problem.” She felt everyone’s eyes on her, and she cleared her throat. “Please continue.”

They paused for just a second, keeping a wary eye on her, and continued.

_Pastel Palettes_. She’d spent many, many years staring at those same words, marked on her wrist. She knew eventually they’d surface, but… here? She thought bitterly to just a few minutes ago, when she was mocking the idea.

She’d fall in love with her soulmate as they said “ _Come see Pastel Palettes, live!”_. Would she truly ever care about this band enough to fall in love with someone trying to protect it? Would it be a fan of hers, helping the band? She couldn’t even fathom the possibility. She didn’t believe she’d ever fall in love, much less to someone who cared so deeply about a generic industry idol band.

“…”

“...sato-chan?”

Huh?

“Chisato-chan?” Aya was leaning towards her, her eyes full of concern. Chisato glanced around. Everything had gone silent.

She paused, embarrassed at her lack of composure, and met eyes with the staff member. “Sorry, what was that?”

They cleared their throat. “I was talking about the band’s debut. Common practise in the industry is, of course, to just sync a prerecorded track to your choreography, and we’re planning to do the same here.” She cleared her throat. “I’m sure none of you have objections?”

All three of the other girls looked like they had rather large objections, but Chisato spoke first, and rather firmly. “Of course not. I trust the staff with decisions like this.”

Hina pouted and sat back in her chair. Aya’s eyes were wide, but neither she nor Eve made any attempt to counter her.

The staff member nodded, and continued. “Okay, the last thing I have here is your instrument assignments. You don’t actually need to play them, but each of you need to at least be familiar with your own.” 

She marked off her clipboard, and read out their assignments. “Wakamiya-san, you have the keyboard. Actually, the instrument we have prepared is a keyboard guitar, so you can at least follow some choreography.” Eve smiled cheerily.

“Hikawa-san, you play--”

“Guitar?” Hina said excitedly, her eyes sparkling. They glanced at her irritatedly. 

“Yes, the guitar. You specifically requested it, so I assume you can play?”

“Of course I can play! My sister, she’s a really really really boppin’ guitarist, so I-”

The staff member cleared their throat rather loudly. “I see.” They looked back to their notes.

“Shirasagi-san, you have the bass guitar.” Chisato looked up at her, shocked.

“I’m sorry, there must be some mistake.” She said politely. “Are you sure Aya-chan isn’t-”

“Maruyama-san is the vocalist, and the head of the band.”

Aya nearly fell over in her chair. “M-Me?”

“ _Her?_ ” Chisato didn’t even bother to hide her tone. “How can she be-”

“I’m sorry, Shirasagi-san.” They said quickly. “That’s just what’s written here. I’m sure Maruyama-san will make a good leader for the band.”

Chisato stiffened, her fingers digging into the side of her thigh. “Of course. My apologies.”

Aya herself just seemed rather stunned. Chisato would be, too, if she wasn’t filled with frustration so quickly. She knew at a glance that Aya wouldn’t be able to handle this, regardless of what staff thought.

Aya met her eyes, tugged her sleeve, and turned away.

\---

Chisato, really, truly tried not to stay annoyed with Aya. She knew, rationally, that she hadn’t done anything wrong, but she couldn’t help but direct her irritation at her.

But she was just so… _infuriating_. So easily teased, so easily thrown by the slightest misstep. It was torturous to watch her try and stumble through choreography in the studio some days. She just seemed to lack everything that made a professional, something Chisato was in almost every regard.

Truthfully, her faith in the band as a whole was minimal. The other members inspired very little confidence in her, and the only reason she really bothered to persevere was her soul mark - where the name of her tedious and rather uninspiring idol band was etched into her wrist. She was almost positive it was mocking her. no one here could possibly be her soulmate, she knew that, but it didn’t stop it from weighing on her mind.

The band’s soulmarks had been the first thing they’d tried to bond over. Aya suggested it, and so showed hers easily; a simple “I love you”. A rather boring soulmark, as Hina very loudly pointed out, but one very good for marketing a cutesy idol band without the expressly personal sentiment. Hina would show hers next as Aya sniffled irritatingly, holding her arm - then Eve, then Maya (their replacement drummer).

Chisato refused, plainly but firmly, much to the band’s dismay. Chisato tended to refuse a lot of attempts to ‘bond’ with them - really, with her schedule, she didn’t have the time, but even if a model shoot happened to be at an inconvenient time every time they asked, she knew they wouldn’t challenge her on it.

Over their time together practising for their debut, she felt them get closer and closer. They’d walk in, arm-in-arm, giggling and laughing about some inside joke she’d missed while at an audition. She didn’t care in the slightest, of course - she just hoped that maybe they’d finally find a reason to take their work seriously. 

The debut was nearing with each day that passed, and with every single costume fitting, audio recording, hair and makeup test and promo shoot after promo shoot, it was truly weighing on all of them. If this didn’t go smoothly, the band would fail, and no matter how badly Hina or Maya begged to play their instruments it was simply too risky. 

Hina was still begging about an hour before the concert, anxiously checking the stage from behind the set. Chisato supposed she was probably looking for someone - likely the sister she never stopped talking about. 

“Pleaseeeee? Please please pleaseeee?” was all Chisato had heard for the last hour as their makeup was being done, and it was driving her rather insane. The rest were all so nervous, looking like newborn deer stumbling around as the staff did their final audio checks. It was almost unbearable. Nothing could go wrong, not with everything they’d done to keep everything as smooth as possible.

  
  


It was still going fine as they set foot on stage. Everything would be fine.

Then everything suddenly fell apart.

There was no way to prepare anyone for what happened on stage, though in hindsight it was so, so preventable. The malfunction had destroyed everything in just seconds.

None of them knew how to react. Chisato simply breathed, controlling her racing heart, and glanced at Aya. She looked about ready to pass out. Awfully, it made her feel rather vindicated. She just couldn’t help but steadily walk up to the front mic, right in front of the jeering crowd.

She spoke loudly, louder than everyone insulting them, louder than the speaker still playing their song, and smiled. 

“Sorry, everyone! It seems our set has malfunctioned. We’ll all leave the stage for now, so if you could bear with us whilst our technicians sort this out that would be wonderful.”

She took Aya’s hand and led her off the stage with one of the most forced smiles she’d ever held, as the rest of the members darted back in panic. 

She barely remembered that day. That week, even. She remembered arriving at home and following her agent’s orders to not answer her phone unless it was life or* death. She didn’t think it would affect her so much; she knew she would be fine, and so would everyone else in the band, but… she still felt like she’d lost something, a large part of her last few weeks crumbling into worthlessness.

She didn’t even try to think about her soulmark. She couldn’t face the idea that it was linked to such a large blemish on her career, even her life. She just stayed inside, shoved her phone in a drawer, and waited for when it had blown over.

It was about a week before her agent managed to smooth over most things, at least for herself. She was lucky to be surrounded by professionals, truly; she knew everyone else in the band would probably take a much harder hit to their idol work prospects with this. Despite her complete lack of effort as to getting to know them, she couldn’t help but worry about them in her own passive way.

Regardless, she was told to meet the idol agency once more to sign off some things and figure out how to take the next steps forward regarding their work contract. It took her a lot of courage to step outside, but she walked with purpose, completely and expertly ignoring the looks and whispered remarks she was getting. She made it to the doors of the agency only slightly winded, and rather cold. She supposed it was going to rain soon.

No one else was in the halls. She wasn’t surprised, of course, but she still felt rather small walking around without Hina’s voice or Eve’s shouting bouncing around the walls. She wasn’t even sure why, considering how much it annoyed her at the time.

After an eternity, she reached the meeting room. She entered and sat down courteously, but she knew it would be another eternity before she’d leave. Legal work like this was so troubling, and she had to sign off on almost everything herself (though she only signed anything her agent approved). She could barely hold her focus past scribbling her name over and over, and her mind drifted vaguely to her… well, her ex-bandmates. She hoped they were doing okay.

Just as she’d signed another sheet of wretched legal jargon, she heard a noise down the hall. She sat up instantly.

The voice was Hina’s.

She politely excused herself, and as soon as the door shut behind her she ran down the hall, practically running into the teal haired girl herself. 

“Hina-chan??”

“Chisato-chaaaaaaan!!” Hina yelled, throwing herself into Chisato’s rather reluctant arms. “I’m glad you’re not dead or anything!”

“What? I-I was staying at home, like my agent-” Chisato started, confused.

“We’ve been trying to hand out tickets and flyers for Pastel*Palettes! The agency told us we could save it if we sell enough tickets, but it’s been really hard and-”

Chisato’s mind was racing. They’d been trying to save the band this whole time, while Chisato sat at her house? God, what must they think of her?

“-anyway, so, we were out but it started raining really bad, and we all went home except Aya-chan!” Hina was still talking, and Chisato had only just tuned back in. 

Aya was… out in the rain. Still selling tickets for the band. Still trying to save her dream, the one Chisato already abandoned.

She pushed a finger to her wrist gently. “ _Come see Pastel*Palettes live!”_

She wasn’t even thinking. She just ran.

The rain was icy cold, and incredibly intense. The idea that anyone could stand in this, least of all someone in a flimsy idol costume handing out sopping wet paper flyers, was absurd. Surely Aya couldn’t still be out.

It wasn’t until she rounded a corner into the main square of the park that she saw her. It was hard to miss her, even when she looked about as drenched as someone could be. She stood out like the sun, her sopping hair and dress still as vibrantly pink as ever.

She called out, but it barely came out as a whisper. The idea that Aya was this determined was so… impossible to her. She couldn’t move, she just watched her for a second.

As she got closer she heard her voice. It was hoarse, like she’d been yelling for a while, and she sounded like she was desperately fighting back tears. But it wasn’t her tone that Chisato was focusing on.

“Come see Pastel*Palettes live!” She was shouting, over and over.

Chisato felt like turning around and running back. Try to forget all of this ever happened, but it was out of the question; not now, not after seeing her so… desperate.

She ran over and took a stack of the waterlogged flyers from the box behind Aya before she could notice.

“Hello, everyone!” She yelled, raising the paper into the air. Aya yelped behind her. “Won’t you come see Pastel*Palettes live on stage again? We’ve truly been practising to make it a perfect show for our fans!” 

She sensed Aya turn towards her, and forced herself to completely block her out. She held her calm smile, walking over to the last few people running through the square. “Please, sir, won’t you take a flyer? Tickets are discounted!” 

One by one, she forced a whole set of flyers on passersby, and by the time she was done the rain had almost entirely let up. Aya was shivering behind her, occasionally trying to help but mostly just watching in awe as Chisato shilled as hard as she could. She couldn’t force herself to meet her eyes. Instead, she held out her now empty hand, and escorted Aya back to the agency. She turned and left before Aya could say a word to her.


	2. Chapter 2

Aya Maruyama.

Chisato couldn’t quite figure her out. She was still frustrating, and it was hard to watch her fail the same choreography over and over, but she was also… captivating, in the same way it feels to watch a baby deer learn to walk. She took each step with a steely determination to do better, one Chisato couldn’t recognise until she really saw Aya’s determination.

Her soulmate. She had no idea how to feel about it; she knew soulmates as the dramatic scenes she’d acted in as a child, full of chocolates and flowers and romantic walks on the beach. She’d never understood how that was supposed to feel. Her soulmark was supposed to help her find her true love, and yet she didn’t feel any closer to understanding what that meant.

She knew Aya made her feel… different. Odd. Watching her was something she often got lost in at practise, at least when she had the chance. 

Since their effort to help revive Pastel*Palettes, she’d been swamped with promo work, trying to recover the band’s image. Maybe before she’d think it was impossible, or just not care enough to try, but she’d grown more attached than she’d expected. Promo work no longer seemed so monotonous, not with her soulmate to look at.

Aya was beautiful. There was a reason she’d been selected as the band’s face, and it wasn’t her exemplary idol skills; the longer Chisato looked at her, the prettier she seemed to become. Each time she noticed something new, like the way her eyes shone when they were shown each new outfit, or how her cheeks dimpled when she smiled.

After a few weeks, it was all a little too much for her, honestly. She was losing her composure more frequently; her heartbeat caught her for seconds at a time when Aya’s hand brushed hers, or when they caught each other’s gaze for a moment. Her feelings were becoming more and more intense, and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could go on without doing something about it. Wasn’t she supposed to be the practical one? But what  _ could  _ she do about it?

She felt lost. She didn’t have anyone to turn to, not about this. The other band members would simply just… not understand her. Was there anyone who…

Ah.

Chisato’s heart sank. She knew someone who did, but… Could she bring herself to call  _ them _ ?

She picked up the phone, and entered a number, praying it still worked. It rang twice, and then clicked.

“Ah~... This is Kaoru. Who might this be?” came the voice on the other line. Chisato bit her lip.

“...Kao-chan?”

She heard a crack from the other end of the receiver, rather like the sound a phone makes when dropped, and then a scuffle. “Ch-Chisato?”

“Yes.” She swallowed, composing herself. “Um… could we talk, somewhere?”

Kaoru paused. “Y-Yes. Absolutely! Are you free in… a few hours?”   
  


Chisato nodded, before realising that wasn’t well indicated over the phone. “Yes. Meet me at the café on the high street at… 11? I’ll order you a drink.”

Kaoru agreed, and Chisato hung up the phone. She stared at it for a few seconds. She really was doing too much for this girl.

\---

Chisato watched Kaoru walk in just as she sat down. She had bought her a drink, and hopefully she’d gotten enough sugar packets to sate her. Hopefully she still enjoyed sugar packets, even. It had been a long, long time since they’d seen each other.

Kaoru was much taller than her. When she sat down she felt almost like a child having a difficult conversation with her parents. She pushed the other drink in the other girl’s general direction, and she smiled gratefully.

“Ah, sugar!” She said happily. Chisato nodded satisfactorily. This was fine. She knew exactly what she was doing.

They spent the next few hours talking. Surprisingly, though her mannerisms were still irritating, Kaoru almost felt like the same best friend she’d known a decade ago. Talking to her was much easier than she expected it to be. She tried not to let the guilt of not trying it sooner creep into her.

Almost 3 hours and 3 drink refills later, Kaoru rested her arms on the table. “So, Chiii... sato, as truly  _ lovely _ as this has been,” She said. “When you called, you sounded as if you had something more specific on your mind.”

Damn. She’d been trying not to think about it. Kaoru was more perceptive than she thought.

“W-Well, it’s…” she was suddenly realising how terrible of an idea this was. Reconnecting with a friend just to use them for romance advice? Who  _ does  _ that? What had she been thinking?

She cleared her throat. “It’s… nothing. Nothing more important than the rest of this afternoon’s conversation”

Kaoru leaned slightly closer to her, her eyes apparently studying her. “No, it’s something important to you.”

“Kaoru…” Chisato said, embarrassed.

Kaoru continued to look at her for just a moment, and then sat back, grinning. “Ah, Chii-chan… could it be that someone’s found their soulmate?”

Oh, Kaoru was  _ much _ more perceptive than she thought. She was growing more and more flustered. “Kaoru, really, it’s…”

Kaoru’s grin was growing wider. “You came to me for romance advice? How flattering, Chii-chan! So, who’s the lucky person?”

Chisato clasped her hands under the table. “Aya. She’s the lead vocalist of-”

“ _ That _ Aya Maruyama?” Kaoru said, surprised. Right. They were still going viral as the worst idol debut of all time. Chisato felt like sinking under the table and never returning.

“Y-yes, that Aya Maruyama. I assure you, I was just as shocked.” Chisato looked away. “She’s… confusing. Something about her just… draws me in.”

“Ah, nothing more inspiring than the connection of soulmates! How romantic… Truly, you are living a more fleeting life than my own…” Kaoru had her arms raised dramatically. “Alas, my soulmate eludes my grasp yet still.”

“Why are you talking like… that?” Chisato asked, squinting at her. Kaoru didn’t respond, instead taking Chisato’s hand in her own gently.

“Oh, Chisato, I would be honoured to help you with your soulmate troubles! You won’t have to worry a moment longer.”

Chisato felt even less reassured than before, but nodded quite stiffly, holding her smile rigid. “So, um… where would we begin?”

Kaoru didn’t seem to know, frustratingly. “Well, it’s… ah, starting from the beginning is so overrated. Do you know what her soulmark is?”

Chisato looked away. Aya’s soulmark weighed on her most of all. It was the one thing she couldn’t bring herself to say to anyone.

“...’I love you.’”

Kaoru watched her for a moment. “I see.”

There was a quiet moment, as Chisato didn’t really know what to add.

“Sorry, this was… a bad idea.” Chisato said, standing and picking up her purse. “Please don’t worry about it. It was nice to see you again, Kaoru.” 

She took a step away, but felt Kaoru grab her wrist before she could get any further. 

“Where are you going?”

“Well, the studio.” Chisato said simply. “I have practise in an hour.”

Kaoru met her eyes. “Tell her. For me.”

Chisato looked away. She was lying when she nodded back. Kaoru smiled.

“And remember to text me!” She called after her as Chisato left the coffee shop. She smiled, shaking her head. She’d forgotten how comforting Kaoru’s presence could be.

She was much less comforted as she reached the idol studio later that afternoon. It wasn’t like the concept of practising with Aya again was much to be afraid of (except maybe how long it might take for her to get the moves right), but she was nervous nonetheless.

She held her wrist.

The studio was full when she entered. Eve and Maya were tucked into a corner, and Hina was fiddling with her guitar. Aya was practising a move in the mirror, and based on her expression she wasn’t having much luck getting it.

She smiled as she saw Chisato’s reflection, and ran over. “Chisato-chaaaan!! I’m so glad you could make it!” she said happily, taking Chisato’s hand. Chisato pulled it away gently, trying very hard not to think about how fast her heart was racing.

“I did my best. I lost track of time earlier, actually, so I’m sorry if I’m late.” She said politely, like she hadn’t been spending almost all of her time thinking about her.

“No, no, nonono! You’re not late! You’re perfectly on time! I just came early today.” Aya said cheerily. “I wanted to practise this choreography, so I didn’t hold up anyone in actual practise today, but…”

“No luck?”

“None at all! I keep tripping over my feet.” She seemed terribly frustrated. Chisato couldn’t help but wonder how long she’d spent practising today. Knowing Aya, she’d been there all morning.

“Don’t worry, Aya-chan. You’ll get it.” Chisato said reassuringly.

“I know, but I can’t do it on my own, and Hina-chan wont help me practise!” Aya looked over at Hina, who was giggling at the far end of the room. “Would you help? Pleeeeease?”

“Ah-” Chisato started, a little on the spot. She cleared her throat a little uncertainly. “I-I suppose I could try.”   
  


The nervous feeling she’d had as she entered the room quickly filled her again as she watched Aya-chan practise. She was clearly familiar with the steps, but as she mentioned, she couldn’t help but catch her own feet from time to time. After one particularly distressing fall, Chisato stepped in.

“You keep losing your balance.” She said, her tone even. This was fine. 

She placed a hand on Aya’s waist. This was fine. “Try and hold your spine evenly. You’ll find it much easier to stay upright, as it were.”

She could smell her strawberry scented perfume. She was fine. “Finding your balance is much easier if you hold your head straight and focus on a point in the distance. Like this.”

She held her chin between her fingers and gently nudged it up. Suddenly, she was aware of how close she was. They were so close. Too close. If Chisato wanted, she could just press her lips to-

No. No. This was too much. This was all too much. She all but dropped Aya to the ground, but Aya caught herself just in time. Of course  _ this _ time she managed to stay upright.

“Chisato-chan? Is something wrong?” Aya asked. Chisato didn’t really know how to respond.  _ Everything _ was wrong. She had never felt like this. She didn’t know she could feel like this, even. 

She loved Aya Maruyama.

Kaoru’s words echoed in her head. Tell her.

“I… Aya, I…” She took a breath. “I... have to go.” Chisato said, as she practically sprinted out of the room, away from the girl making her feel like she was spiralling out of control.

She loved her. She loved Aya. She wanted nothing more than to be with her, in fact. But that wasn’t  _ right. _ Chisato had never let herself feel so intensely about anything. This can’t be how it’s supposed to feel. Isn’t she supposed to feel happy?

She felt like crying; another thing she hadn’t done in years. She didn’t know what to do. Aya was too much to her, in many more ways than one, and her feelings were just so… so foreign to her. She felt like she was losing herself.

She pressed herself into a storage cupboard, and curled up as tightly as she could. She hadn’t done this since she was a child, tired from all her acting work and without anyone who remembered to pick her up that night. She’d wait and wait for someone to remember her, and no one ever came. She only crawled out when she was hungry, and by then one of the interns would spot her and call her mother.

She felt the same loneliness now. No one would try to find her here.

“...isato-chan?”

Oh. Maybe someone would.

“Chisato-chan? Are you in this door?”

She held her breath. Letting Aya in here would be too much for her.

“Chisato-chan…” Aya sounded sad. Like she was about to cry. Chisato recalled throwing her to the floor and running off, and realised that she probably thought she’d upset her somehow.

Her heart ached. Aya was silly, and so, so oblivious, but Chisato’s running and hiding was starting to hurt even the girl she cared for the most.

She couldn’t keep running. She couldn’t keep hiding from herself. She was too afraid of her own feelings.

If Chisato Shirasagi was anything, she was a damn good actress, and good actresses don’t lose their nerve in the final scene.

“Aya-chan?”

“Chisato-chan??” Aya called out. The door pushed open slowly. Chisato pulled herself to her feet.

“Aya-chan…” She barely noticed she was crying. She pulled Aya into a hug, sniffling. Aya seemed at quite a loss of what to do; a fair reaction, since Chisato wasn’t really sure what she was doing herself. She felt all too much, all at once. Too much, and yet in Aya’s arms, it still felt all too little. Her heart had infinite room for the girl she was holding.

This was what love felt like, wasn’t it?

“I love you.” She whispered, too quiet. She looked into Aya’s eyes. “I  _ love _ you.”

Aya gasped. Chisato breathed.

“Chisato-chan…”

Chisato pulled her tightly into her arms. For a harsh, silent moment, she thought maybe she had ruined everything. That Aya was never her soulmate.

“I… I love you too.”

Aya was smiling at her. Chisato did her best to smile back. She wasn’t sure what to do, and her heart hadn’t stopped aching, but that was okay.

She was okay.

She pressed her lips against Aya’s gently.

‘ _ I love you _ ’ finally felt like enough.

\--

A few hours and a skipped practise later, Aya and Chisato were sitting on a bench at the train station. They hadn’t let go of each other’s hand, and though the night was rather cold Chisato felt nothing but warm. Aya’s head was on her shoulder.

“Chisato-chan?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you really been thinking about me since that afternoon in the rain?”

Ah.

“W-Well, that’s…”

Aya giggled. “It’s okay! Don’t worry.” Chisato was the least worried she’d ever been in her life. Nothing else existed in that moment except her and Aya.

“Thank you, Aya-chan.”

“Though it is getting kinda cold… Are you sure we’re on the right train platform?”

Chisato looked up at the number. “...Shit.”

They fled back into the railway station, laughing, and Aya found her the right platform.

As they said their farewells (Aya needed the next train on), Chisato felt her phone ping.

Kaoru: how did it go?

She smiled.

Chisato: Fleetingly, as someone I know would say.

She pocketed her phone and got on the train.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twt: bunniiimelon
> 
> thank you again for reading this. really. i appreciate it so much

**Author's Note:**

> twt: @bunniiimelon


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